Afraid of Intimacy - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay ...

So I only came out this last April, and despite that, I am still struggling with coming to terms with myself. I had tried relationships with women and obviously they didn't work. Anytime I knew there would be any emotional or physical intimacy, I always cut the relationship off. And after coming out, I thought everything would change. But I'm still following the same pattern with guys.

It's like I'm ashamed of myself, that I'm not good enough for another person. I'm still a virgin at 23, I'm a little overweight and I have social anxiety issues. I always imagine that once someone gets to know the "real me" that they will be disappointed with who they find. Even the people who are closest to me hardly know everything about me. Anytime I see another guy my age, I automatically assume he is better than me in one way or another and I immediately nix any potential connection and become really submissive. So it has become far easier to shut people out and be alone.

I really crave to share myself with a guy, both emotionally and physically, but I always find a reason to stop myself. It's just a seemingly impossible combination of feeling sexually, physically, and emotionally inadequate.

Sorry for the rant, but I really feel stuck in a corner at this point.

Source: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-discussions/65872-afraid-intimacy.html

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